Right around the corner...

I have been in school for about 20 years. Its about to end. Next Tuesday at 9 am is the culmination of my hard work and determination that has gotten me thus far. Its been a long, hard trip up a very, very high mountain. Many times, the fog was so dense I couldn't see my hand in front of my face. There were days that I just wanted to turn right around and walk down. The walk down is so much easier and so tempting. There were days I would convince myself that my valor as a woman who was not pursuing a family yet, was diminished, and guilt overcame me. I put many things aside to climb this mountain. The real question is, for what? Was it to prove myself to others? Was it to climb as high as I could just to say I wasn't a quitter? Was it a desire to help others? Or was it to prove to myself that I could do it? Honestly It was probably a little of all of those. And know i am about 3-4 steps from the peak. In those (hopefully only) 2 hours of my defense all of this will come to an end. I won't graduate yet, but graduation compared to the feeling at 11am doesn't even come close. I was talking to a friend of mine about the importance of this day and she said to me "People don't understand everything we went through to get here, if they did they would wonder why we did it. The only two people that truly understand are us, and our spouse (who had to live with us through it all)." Maybe she's right. There is a joy in my heart knowing I achieved something I honestly didn't think I could. But at 11 o'clock next Tuesday it will all be over and thankfully I will have my loving spouse and my wonderful parents waiting for me outside the door. I cannot put into words the joy I feel of having my loved ones be the first faces I see as I walk outside and await the deliberation of the committee. Unfortunately my brothers and their spouses won't be there (although we will see 2 of them later on Tuesday night). This hurts my heart a bit because if anyone has heard me talk about my brothers you would know the reverence I have for them and the yearning in my heart to share my biggest professional accomplishment to date with them. I know that they will be there in spirit. SO until next week....say a little prayer for me and light a little candle. (and if you are at A&M) please put a penny on Sully for me. :)